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Post by Fallout on Apr 26, 2011 22:23:51 GMT -5
Name: Rooksong
Age: Thirty moons
Gender: Male
Rank: (Senior) Warrior
Clan: BoneClan
Personality:
Rooksong has a disliking for anything that is not serious. He believes that every aspect of a warrior's life should be solemn and dedicated to tasks as opposed to any kind of fun. He can be described in one word as a killjoy. In solemn, calculating manner he puts others down and makes sarcastic remarks in a harsh and purposefully hurtful manner.
He is known for his frigid personality and inability to let anyone get emotionally close to him, of course he isn't a fan of anyone being physically close to him as well. He would rather everyone kept their distance from him and just did the jobs that they were intended to do.
On top of being a sour killjoy, he is also incredibly bossy and somewhat of a control freak. If he doesn't think a job is getting done right, he will attempt to step in and correct it himself. In a sense, if he wants it done right he does it himself. He tends to peskily get underfoot making sure that everything in a certain task is done to the rigid standards he has in his mind.
He is also ambitious, and has high dreams for one day becoming the deputy or leader of his Clan, and being able to get everyone to do things his way with no questions asked and no protests. However, with his lack of connections, friends, and his generally unlikeable personality, his dream will most likely stay a dream.
Physical Description:
Rooksong is solid black from his head to the very tip of his tail. Not a speck of him is covered in anything except black, sleek fur that shines as dark brown when the sunlight hits it. His coat is short and very healthy, spiky and rigid on the neck and the back all the way down to his tail. His tail is medium length, and is spiky like the fur on the back of his neck is. His eyes are deep, orange amber colored and very narrow and almond shaped.
His body is very well muscled, though lean. His legs are long and powerful, and his paws are massive with talon-like claws. His shoulders are very broad. His ears are unusually large, battered and torn from various fights. He has battle scars across his face, and hidden everywhere under the fur on his body. The most prominent is one that goes from the bottom of his right eye, across the bridge of his nose, and down his right cheek.
His jaw looks slightly askew, though he maintains that nothing has ever happened to it to cause it to be like that. Many white whiskers sit on his broad muzzle, and he is missing several of his teeth.
History:
Rooksong hasn't always been a sourpuss. He was born to a mother named Nightfoot, a jet black she-cat, and a rogue of unknown name and origin. He was always led to believe that his father was another BoneClan cat called Thornwhisker. He had a half-sister named Icekit, who truly was the daughter of both Nightfoot and Thornwhisker.
When he was younger he was picked on by the other kits, and later on the other apprentices for being smaller than he should have been. Eventually he proved that they had judged him prematurely, when he grew into a fine younger, muscular and handsome apprentice called Rookpaw. He was very close to his half-sister, Icepaw.
They trained together, grew up together, and eventually they both became warriors together. Rookpaw was named Rooksong, and Icepaw was named Icestreak. They were on their warrior vigil together when there was a sudden noise in the distance. Icestreak went to investigate, and Rooksong broke his silence to try and warn her not to go.
She chose to ignore his orders, and ventured into the fog. The last thing Rooksong heard of her was a screech, and then he never saw her again; not even her body. There was just a blood stain left, and a tuft of her fur. Coldly, he keeps it in his mind that if she had just listened to him, she would not have met her mysterious end.
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Post by Brackentail on Apr 26, 2011 22:58:56 GMT -5
The history was kind of interesting to read; it's not every day a warrior breaks his vigil. I wonder if they'd need to start over if they did that?
Anyway, there was only one punctuation error:
"The last thing Rooksong heard of her was a screech, and then he never saw her again: not even her body."
That colon should be a semi-colon. This is because a semi-colon connects two similar thoughts; a colon indicates that something is following after that is related or listed.
For example:
A breeze blew through the clearing; it felt nice on Hawktalon's burning fur.
See how 'it feeling nice' connects with the fact that a breeze is blowing by?
And how when I said "for example," something followed the idea that there would be an example?
Try to keep those details in mind when you use a semi-colon or a colon in the future. :3 Once you fix the colon, Rooksong will be moved and added to the allegianeces!
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Post by Fallout on Apr 27, 2011 9:29:58 GMT -5
Aww, I thought it was a semi-colon. I didn't even notice I'd somehow hit the regular colon. D: Sometimes I just can't type. I'll fix it right away. I do know how to use them already, but thanks for the tip.
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Post by Brackentail on Apr 27, 2011 14:49:34 GMT -5
Ah, that's fine then. XD Typos happen all the itme.--see, irony stepped in. And you're welcome.
It's accepted now. C:
Locked and moved!
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