Post by Brackentail on Apr 12, 2011 8:55:03 GMT -5
Alright, not too bad. But I want to point out quite a few things.
One...you need to use that spell check more often and keep an eye on your grammar. Check the physical description for your grammar errors and find the misspellings.
Two...this quote here. "He hates Silverstar on the outside, liking her on the inside. He hangs out alot with Firewolf. He enjoys her presence and ability to kill things clean and swift."
This tells me what cats Crowstar would be found most often, but all that really tells me "oh, Crowstar would make a great leader because he likes cats that are like Silverstar" which isn't even a good reason, y'know?
Sure, knowing what personalities of others Crowstars likes defines what he likes if described the right way, but simply stating it the way you did is just like, "Okay, so...what does this have to do with Crowstar and how his personality represents him as a leader?"
When describing personalities, it should tell me his likes and dislikes about his environment, how he behaves, how he reacts to things, his favorite things about his Clan, whatever else like that. Not just, "he's great at hunting, tracking, and enjoys the company of this cat that isn't on the site yet and hates/likes this other leader," y'know?
The phyiscal description is fine.
In the history, it'd be nice to see the points you mentioned in the personality and phyiscal descriptions that said had horrible histories, such as his tail. If you just mention them and don't explain them, it's like..pointless to even bring up that they had horrible histories, if you can understand that.
Personally, I think you yourself might pull off as a Deputy as of right now. But, it doesn't feel like you're ready for a real Leader. If you can prove to me that you are, PM me with a role-play example and then I'll go over some things with you.
Crowstar himself, however, does seem to have the potential of being a Leader. So don't give up but I want to see that you're completely capable and that you can represent your desired job.
One...you need to use that spell check more often and keep an eye on your grammar. Check the physical description for your grammar errors and find the misspellings.
Two...this quote here. "He hates Silverstar on the outside, liking her on the inside. He hangs out alot with Firewolf. He enjoys her presence and ability to kill things clean and swift."
This tells me what cats Crowstar would be found most often, but all that really tells me "oh, Crowstar would make a great leader because he likes cats that are like Silverstar" which isn't even a good reason, y'know?
Sure, knowing what personalities of others Crowstars likes defines what he likes if described the right way, but simply stating it the way you did is just like, "Okay, so...what does this have to do with Crowstar and how his personality represents him as a leader?"
When describing personalities, it should tell me his likes and dislikes about his environment, how he behaves, how he reacts to things, his favorite things about his Clan, whatever else like that. Not just, "he's great at hunting, tracking, and enjoys the company of this cat that isn't on the site yet and hates/likes this other leader," y'know?
The phyiscal description is fine.
In the history, it'd be nice to see the points you mentioned in the personality and phyiscal descriptions that said had horrible histories, such as his tail. If you just mention them and don't explain them, it's like..pointless to even bring up that they had horrible histories, if you can understand that.
Personally, I think you yourself might pull off as a Deputy as of right now. But, it doesn't feel like you're ready for a real Leader. If you can prove to me that you are, PM me with a role-play example and then I'll go over some things with you.
Crowstar himself, however, does seem to have the potential of being a Leader. So don't give up but I want to see that you're completely capable and that you can represent your desired job.